Friday, October 23, 2015

Bullying

Bullying

Bullying can range from mild teasing through to more serious abuse.

Although you may be aware at some level when you're being bullied, sometimes it’s hard to know if it’s real. When bullying is mild it can also be hard to describe to other people. On the other hand, bullying can be so threatening and physical that you're too fearful to talk about it or to take action.

On this page:

What is bullying?

Bullying is deliberate and repeated intimidating behaviour by one person, or a group of people, directed towards another. It's not a single event and isn't just physical. Bullies can be found at all ages, in all cultures, in the home, school and workplace, on sporting fields and on social networking sites, and at all levels from school girl to chief executive.

Bullying can come in many different forms:

verbal – teasing, name-calling, insults, and personal, sexist or racist remarks
psychological – making threats, nasty looks and gestures, and manipulating or stalking someone
social – spreading stories or rumours, playing tricks that are deliberately mean or humiliating for the victim or excluding them from a group
physical – pushing, tripping or hitting
cyber – using email, mobile phones, chat rooms and social networking to abuse, humiliate or threaten.

What are the health impacts of bullying?

Bullying generally results in feelings of stress, which may make you:

anxious
unable to sleep
emotionally numb
tired or fatigued.

You may also have physical symptoms:

general aches and pains
headaches and migraines
sweating and palpitations
changed appetite
constant tiredness.

Psychological symptoms that are related to bullying include:

panic attacks
depression
thoughts of suicide
memory or concentration problems
tearfulness, irritability, angry outbursts, sullenness and mood swings.

Bullying can also affect your thoughts, behaviour and personality. You may feel shy or find it hard to make decisions, be motivated, or enjoy things that used to make you happy. You may feel fear, shame and/or embarrassment, all which might stop you telling anyone about what is happening.

Workplace bullying

Unfortunately, bullying at work is common and can occur between co-workers, come from a manager or supervisor to an employee, or from an employee to a manager or supervisor. The most common form of workplace bullying is verbal abuse, although all forms of bullying occur. Examples include:

abusive, insulting or offensive language or comments
undue criticism
excluding from normal work activities, including discrimination on the grounds of gender, age or ethnicity
withholding information, supervision or resources that someone needs to do their job
overloading a person with work or not providing enough work
setting unreasonable timelines or constantly changing deadlines
setting tasks that are unreasonably below or beyond a person’s skill level
changing work arrangements, such as rosters, leave, training or the location of a person’s office or desk, to the disadvantage of a worker or workers.

If you are bullied at work, be it cyber bulling or any other form, you should report this to your employer.

Victoria is the only state with laws against workplace and cyber bullying. Your employer has a duty to ensure the health, safety and welfare at work of all its employees.

There are lots of resources on the internet in relation to workplace bullying. The Workplace Bullying page on the Australian Human Rights Commission website provides links to the relevant state authority, which you can contact if you’re experiencing workplace bullying.

You can report bullying to your state or territory work health and safety authority. They will also be able to provide you with advice and help.

Strategies to combat bullying

The best protection against bullying is to build up your emotional strength and social skills, both of which can be developed through self-awareness and good communication. A good strategy is to learn how to express what you think, how you feel and what you would like to happen. This is easier said than done, and you may need help from friends, relatives or a counsellor or therapist.

Developing a wide and supportive network will help to make you less vulnerable to teasing, bullying and harassment. It’s important to distinguish between friends who care about you and support you, and those who don't. Choose friends with whom you feel comfortable and avoid those who make you feel uneasy. This will also help you to protect your friends and other vulnerable people and to intervene assertively and respectfully when they are at risk of being bullied.

Impacts of child sexual assault

Impacts of child sexual assault

While all women may have new or mixed feelings during pregnancy and becoming a parent, victim/survivors of child sexual assault may find some of their experiences during this time can remind them of the assault and provoke feelings they had then.

These might include:

memories of the assault
feelings of being out of control
fear, distress or shame.

On this page:

Touch, medical examinations and procedures

Medical examinations that involve direct touch by health professionals are a major part of pregnancy, giving birth and after birth. Medical procedures, examinations and the touch of a health professional may remind you of childhood sexual assault experiences.

General anxiety around touch and medical procedures can be reduced with the help of a sensitive health practitioner and by knowing exactly what to expect, and having your options explained.

You have a right to ask:

why the touch, examination or procedure is needed and to have the process fully explained beforehand
to have a female practitioner, if one is available
what alternative options are available, i.e. a less invasive procedure such as an external instead of an internal ultrasound
to have a support person with you
to slow, pause or stop the procedure if you feel confused, uncomfortable or distressed.

Flashbacks and dissociation

Sometimes flashbacks can happen when victim/survivors of childhood sexual assault feel very anxious. Flashbacks are sudden and intrusive memories of the abuse, which may come in the form of visual memories, feelings and bodily sensations that you had at the time. Often victim/survivors say that flashbacks make them feel like the assault is happening in the present moment, which is very distressing.

Victim/survivors may also experience dissociation when they are very anxious. Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from yourself or your surroundings. Dissociation can be a good coping technique that helps you get through difficult situations. It can also prevent you from feeling or remembering things you really want to experience.

Support person

Choosing a support person to go with you to maternity appointments and who may also be present at the birth can help make you feel more comfortable. Many women choose their partner to be their main support person but some women may also ask another family member or friend to be with them. Some women may hire a private midwife or birth doula to give them this support in hospital.

Birth

There are many aspects of pregnancy that can feel outside a woman’s control – physical, emotional and psychological changes that she did not expect or that feel hard to predict.

For victim/survivors these experiences can be powerful reminders of childhood sexual assault. While it is not possible to know exactly what will happen during birth, many women find they can reduce their anxiety by preparing themselves by:

reading pregnancy and parenting books and pamplets
speaking with their health worker or talking to a counsellor
attending childbirth education classes
writing a birth plan and giving copies to their support person/s and health workers.

After the birth

Hopefully your experience of birth will be positive but you may have questions relating to the birth that you still need to talk about. Some women:

describe their experience of birth as traumatic and wonder about the possible link with their experiences of child sexual assault
feel their fears or concerns aren't listened to by health professionals, or that they are made light of.

If you have questions or you feel unsettled about your birth experience ask to speak to a midwife present during the birth or you can ask to speak to a CASA counsellor/advocate or hospital social worker.

Early parenting

It is very normal in the first few days and even weeks after giving birth to feel new and strong emotions about your baby and yourself as a parent. Some women may feel immediately connected to their baby while other women find that it takes time to bond. Many women talk about feelings of joy and excitement about parenting, but also anxiety about their ability to care for a child. Victim/survivors of childhood sexual assault may worry that their experiences during childhood will affect their parenting.

Despite the challenges and difficulties, raising your child can be a good experience. You have the ability to give love and affection to your child and to provide them with a stable primary relationship.

Finding support: Victoria

24hr Sexual Assault Counselling and Support Line
1800 806 292
PANDA (Post and Antenatal Depression Association Inc)
1300 726 306
Parentline Victoria (A statewide telephone counselling service to parents and carers of children aged from birth to eighteen years)
13 22 89

Sexual assault

Sexual assault

Sexual violence affects women across all age groups, and from all cultural, racial and economic backgrounds, including women with disabilities, lesbians and transgender women.

Sexual assault is more widespread than many people realise. The consequences of sexual violence primarily affect victims and survivors, but may also have detrimental effects on their family and friends, as well as the wider community.

On this page:

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault refers to criminal acts like rape and indecent assault, but it also includes any sexual or sexualised behaviour that makes a person feel uncomfortable, intimidated, threatened or frightened. It is sexual behaviour that someone has not agreed to, where another person uses physical or emotional force, or the threat of physical or emotional force, against them.

We use the terms ‘sexual assualt’ and ‘sexual violence’ here as they cover many forms of unwanted and frightening sexual behaviour experienced by women. We use ‘child sexual abuse’ to describe adult women’s experience of sexual assault through childhood and adolescence.

Sexual assault includes:

rape – forced vaginal, anal or oral sex
child sexual abuse
sexual violence from intimate partners
unwanted physical contact – touching, pinching, rubbing, groping, kissing, fondling
sexual harassment – dirty jokes, explicit comments, invasive questions about sex
stalking – repeatedly following or watching someone
voyeurism – watching someone doing intimate things without permission
sex-related insults – for example, ‘slut’, ‘dyke’, ‘homo’, ‘slag’
invitations for dates that turn into threats, demands for sex or not taking ‘no’ for an answer
indecent exposure – exposing or flashing genitals
forcing someone to watch or participate in pornography – explicit photos, videos or movies of sexual acts
offensive written or graphic material – dirty jokes, letters, phone messages, pictures
having sex with someone who is severely affected by drugs or alcohol, spiking drinks with alcohol or drugs
unwanted explicit and offensive communication by word, graphic image or social media.

Many forms of sexual assault are criminal offences. Sexual violence is never the fault of the victim/survivor.

Misconceptions about sexual assault

There are many common misconceptions about sexual violence. Such misconceptions can interfere with women receiving appropriate support when they talk about experiences of sexual assault.

Misconceptions can support sexual violence by suggesting that women provoke men or give them permission to commit sexual violence by:

wearing particular clothing
flirting
being in certain places
being by themselves
being drunk or drug affected.

These misconceptions can make it difficult for a woman to recognise that she has experienced sexual assault. They might make her reluctant to talk about her experience or to seek help because she feels ashamed or embarrassed.

The health impacts of sexual assault

Intimidating and/or unwanted sexual behaviour from another person can have wide-ranging harmful effects on a woman’s health – emotional, psychological, mental, physical, spiritual, gynaecological and reproductive.

The negative impact on women’s health and wellbeing can be made worse if they are not believed or if they are blamed when they first speak about being sexually assaulted. This impact many be more severe the longer the time between the sexual assault and receiving appropriate care and support.

The consequences of previous child sexual abuse for women may be wide ranging, long term and complex. Sexual assault has the potential to profoundly disrupt a child’s world and the patterns and pathways of their unfolding life.

Sexual violence may traumatise and profoundly violate every aspect of a woman’s being. It can affect her emotional and physical health, her sense of self, her relationship with her body, and her sense of safety everywhere, including in intimate relationships and in health-care settings.

What to do if you are sexually assaulted

If you are in immediate danger ring:

000 (police);

If you need support, and live in Victoria, call:

Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA) 1800 806 292

If you need support and live outside Victoria, call:

the National Sexual Assault and Family Violence Service on
1800 7377 328 to find your closest crisis support service.

How to help someone who has been sexually assaulted

If you are the friend, relative or service provider of a victim or survivor of sexual assault seeking support, keep these principles in mind:

listen to her and believe her story of violence and abuse
take what she says seriously without trying to tell her what to do
let her speak for herself
normalise her responses to the trauma of sexual violence
validate her feelings and individual reactions to the experience
explore with her what she would like to happen now
respect her decision.

Victim/survivors report that a sense of emotional and physical safety is fundamental to disclosure and recovery. Take the time to learn about what safety means to each woman and how to assist her in creating a sense of safety

Violent relationships

Violent relationships

Violence and abuse can make you feel helpless by disconnecting you from society, family and friends and by making you feel that the violence is deserved.

However, help and support are available to help you overcome these feelings and get back in control.

On this page:

Escaping a violent relationship

If you need immediate protection ring:

000 (police)Where

OR

the National Sexual Assault and Family Violence Service on 1800 7377 328 to find your closest crisis support service.

Many women are forced into crisis before they seek help for family violence because of:

the fear of retaliation
community tolerance of violence
a lack of information or services
a lack of protection from police or the courts
language barriers
insecure or low income
the loss of family or community.

Facts about violence

Violence is isolating. Neighbours, teachers, workmates and other contacts in your community can be essential sources of information about where you can go for help.
Violence undermines your ability to trust. However, many professionals recognise how serious and prevalent violence is in women’s lives, and are able to help.
Violence is traumatising. Counselling can be an important part of reclaiming a joyful, loving life with affirming and fulfilling relationships.
Your safety is vital. Domestic violence services can help you with free and safe accommodation, dealing with the courts or the police and linking you with other supports like legal advice.
Involving police is important but it’s not the only option. Support groups offer a place for sharing experiences, making friends and finding solutions to practical problems.

Helping someone in a violent relationship

Friends, family and community members play a vital role in supporting victims/survivors of family violence by:

listening and believing women's stories of violence and abuse
taking what they hear seriously without trying to tell women what to do.

If you know someone who is living with a violent partner, here are some practical ways that you can help:

Honour her judgement about what is safe and respect her choices.
Be patient and provide practical support over the long term.
Support her to persist with finding expert and helpful professionals in the police, child protection agenices and the courts.
Stay part of her social network. Women with a network of family members, friends and colleagues will have better mental and physical health.
Become involved in an organisation that campaigns for a fairer and safer society for women and girls.
If you're a man, support the work of feminists to achieve equality for women. Challenge male friends, family members or colleagues who excercise, excuse or trivialise men’s violence towards women.

Where to go for help

Most people do not know about violence-related support services until they need them. Below is the phone number for the national sexual assault and family violence counselling service, plus websites for more information about services and support.

1800 RESPECT (1800 7377 328) is the national phone line for the National Sexual Assault and Family Violence Service. This service maintains a database of statewide and regional domestic violence and sexual assault services, plus services specifically for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women and culturally and linguistically diverse women. Interpreters are provided.
The Domestic Violence Resource Centre’s website www.dvrcv.org.au has information, resources and stories about all aspects of family violence.
Women’s Health Goulburn East's report ‘A Powerful Journey’ about women’s stories of leaving a violent partner: www.whealth.com.au.
Bursting the Bubble is a website with information for young people experiencing family violence:www.burstingthebubble.com.
Kids Helpline is a free, private and confidential telephone and online (web and email) counselling service specifically for young people aged between five and 25. Call 1800 55 1800 or see the website for more information: www.kidshelp.com.au.
Community legal services are available all around Australia, including specialist family violence services and services for Aboriginal women. This website provides information about the work of community legal services and a map to find your closest service: www.naclc.org.au.
Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse is a comprehensive searchable database on research and resources available on domestic violence in Australia, as well as excellent issues papers and other publications: www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au.

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